Ah, vegetarians (or pescetarians, or flexitarians…) often have that awkward moment at Thanksgiving Dinner when we’re passed the turkey and have to pass ON it.

Although I previously spent $50 on a ‘humane’ turkey,  I’ll likely go meat-free this Thursday. And the worst part? The comments from family around the table, about my seemingly-from-afar-prestigious decision.

Don’t fret, meatless readers. I brainstormed a few comebacks to avoid awkward silences around the table.

Top 5 Responses to Carnivores this Thanksgiving

Dreaded Question: “Why aren’t you eating the turkey?”

1. Witty response: “I’m trying to quit.”

2. Wittier response: “I’m saving room for more wine.” (or in my case, whiskey.)

3. Polite response: “I’m eating less (or no) meat for my health.” Whether that includes weight, heart disease, etc., this answer doesn’t leave room for much of a discussion.

4. Ask-for-judgement response: “Raising meat requires much more energy, waste and resources than plants, so I’m going meat-free for sustainability.”

5. Reserved-for-the-obnoxious-drunk-relative response: “Have you seen the conditions of those turkeys? They’re stuffed to the gills, surrounded by dead or diseased animals and get doses of antibiotics. Plus, some are fattened up to the point they can’t even reproduce. Who would be happy in that life? And you’re putting those hormones and GMOs in YOUR body.”

Do none of these fit your style? Salon has more elaborate (and creative) vegetarian responses to carnivore interrogations this Thanksgiving.

Plus, with a slew of  drool-worthy vegetarian sides, you won’t even notice the dead bird on the table.

Staying in the city? Here’s a few ways to make sure you eat local this Thanksgiving.

Vegetarian readers, what are your sauciest comebacks? Omnivore readers, what are your questions (so we can prepare)…

Photo: Oh My Veggies

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Julie Hancher is Editor-in-Chief of Green Philly, sharing her expertise of all things sustainable in the city of brotherly love. She enjoys long walks in the park with local beer and greening her travels, cooking & cat, Sir Floofus Drake. View all posts by Julie Hancher